Not too long ago, I ran across a post on a dating blog, titled “Cheating at Online Dating.” Before you jump to conclusions, no: it isn’t what you think. It deals, interestingly enough, with keeping track of guys that interest you while not being obvious about it. It’s a post that gives new users of online dating services (Match in particular) information they might otherwise take a while to learn 交友網站. I’m going to share part of her post and add a guy’s alternative point of view.
In her post, Kim (the author) leads into her tips with the following scenario:
” You’ve gone out with someone a few times and are really excited about him — so much so that you want to show him to a few friends and see what they think, re-read his details to make sure you’re not missing some major gaping flaw and — most importantly — see how often he’s cruising online… but you don’t want to seem like you’re obsessing, and you know that when you click on his profile, Match 婚姻介紹所.com slaps your name onto his “Who’s Viewed Me” List, letting him know you’ve been studying him up…For part one in our occasional blog series teaching you how to cheat at the online dating game, here are a few simple tricks aimed at helping you figure out whether he’s still playing the field — without seeming like you’re keeping tabs.”
Kim’s article goes on to enumerate five techniques for viewing someone’s profile and/or online dating habits without him knowing. I’m not going to reiterate them here. Instead, I’m going to start by blowing the lid off the obvious, from a guy’s perspective. She’s chasing butterflies and letting the elephants get away speed dating 活動. The three points below illustrate what I mean…
1. The only reason most men are likely to care whether or how closely you’re keeping track of them is if they’re interested. If “he” is into you, he’ll be flattered (at least) and knowing you’re keeping track may coax him closer. If he’s not into you, he’ll move on…usually sooner rather than later. Surreptitious oversight of his online cruising activities will not affect the outcome.
2. If you’ve gone out with someone “a few times” you have no presumption of exclusivity. He should still be looking and so should you. The possible exception to this is if, something has been said to lead both of you to believe you are now “an item”; in which case, my question would be, “then what are either of you still doing on line?” If you feel a desperate need to “check up” on him, you really ARE obsessing…by definition an unhealthy thing to do…unhealthy for YOU!
3. If you’ve been out a few times and you’re still checking out his profile to see if you’d “missed” something, there’s something wrong with your online dating paradigm. You meet someone in person after connecting online to determine whether his online persona matches his profile…not test your reading comprehension. If you’re really excited about him, spend more time with him. You’ll get a much more accurate picture of what an enduring relationship in any form with him would be like…certainly more so than is possible by re-reading his profile.
What all of the techniques in Kim’s post share in common is the assumption that subterfuge is either necessary or desirable in the online dating/meeting environment. Online dating is and always has been, a misnomer. It’s online meeting. You meet online and date offline. Your hope is that it will (eventually) lead to a mutually rewarding personal relationship…however you are inclined to define it at this point in your life. After you “connect” offline, you’re no longer doing online dating…you’re just dating.
Online dating/meeting offers undeniable advantages to busy women in the 21st Century and as such, it deserves every woman’s serious consideration as a means of meeting desirable men. But keeping track of a man’s online cruising activity after your first few “dates” may not tell as much him as you think. That’s always best assessed in person. Yes, you can figure out whether he’s still cruising, but the information by itself won’t tell you much about why. It may be as simple as not having turned off his email alerts when he’s been matched…which he may have set to daily before you met. Curiosity takes over and he checks it out of habit. After all, he’s still doing his assessment of you as a potential “main squeeze.” Watching that process unfold is a little like watching water boil. You can watch if you want, but it’s probably not the best use of your time.
Want to be your best, most attractive self to him? Be who you are and don’t hide your feelings. If you’re really that excited about him, make it exciting for him. This approach will always be more attractive than anxious circumspection about what he may be doing tonight…which doesn’t mean it will always work, but it gives you your best chance of success. Just my opinion. Am I missing something…?